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Control Queens
I have this theory. It has to do with why straight people are so upset that we exist.

Straight people who are threatened by our existence are control queens. People with control issues have two things that govern their lives: fear and fear. One thing they fear is being alone. Not many people like being alone, but these folks have gone a bit far. They are so afraid of being alone that they can't stand anything that points out an essential fact of human existence, and that is that each of us IS basically alone. Absolutely unique and therefore, absolutely alone. Differences define the Other, and the more Others there are out there, the more alone a person feels.

If a CQ has her clones around her, if everybody looks and acts just like her, then it *appears* that she is not as isolated as she suspects in her liver that she is. No one who looks or acts differently is allowed around her. No doubt she threw a huge brunch when she heard the news about those sheep in Scotland, and started saving her money for the clinics which are sure to spring up in LA so that she can give up on all her rebellious friends and have some doctor make a few more just like herself.

The ultimate CQ can't even stand it when you eat something she doesn't like. You know the one. She curls up her nose and moans, "Eewwwwww!" over what you're about to have for lunch. Is it going in her face? Why should it matter to her how you season your food or that you like your fried eggs runny?

Somehow, she has developed a direct neural link between her tastebuds and yours. She has the synapses of death, apparently.

Food may not trigger most people's control issues, but sex certainly will. If you cast longing glances at someone your CQ doesn't find attractive, you will certainly hear about it. (I'm talking about casual friend control queens here, or even your mother. Not your ex, who naturally will always insist on passing approval on who you'll date next.) Your difference in taste is a personal affront to her because it makes her feel alone, which makes her feel vulnerable, which makes her think about her mortality, which threatens her very core.

You wouldn't think a little extra salt on the mashed potatoes could grab somebody by the short hairs like this, but I assure you these people exist. The fact that you just know Demi Moore could roll your socks down when she'd rather swap Birkenstocks with kd will stick her to the crown molding. Now you *know* she's not aware of all these internal causes and effects. All she knows is that you simply cannot be human if you can eat that stuff for lunch or go out with that girl. Now if our friends get this worked up over who we find attractive, think a minute about people who have no concern for our welfare.

CQ's fear not only being alone; they also fear, quite naturally, loss of control, however little of it they have in their lives, constructed as it is out of fantasy and wishful thinking and not a small amount of dogged vigilance over their neighbors' lives.

Take for example the CQ who truly needs some clinical help: the one in the pulpit (usually white and usually male, and hypothetically straight) who gets a knotty torque in his knickers over gay sex. I'm including politicians in this category, because the podium is made of the same wood as the pulpit.

When our preacher starts in on the evils of gay sex, what our preacher is really saying is that, because he doesn't find men attractive, he doesn't want to have sex with a man. Or rather that he doesn't want a man to have sex with him. Well, not *sex* exactly. What he doesn't want is to be raped, which is what I suspect he defines sex with a man to be. (Think about the deeper implications of this. If, in his mind, sex with a man is rape, then wonder how his wife feels?) But the point is, he doesn't want to be out of control, and rape would obviously have him a bit out of control. Now WE know that's not what is going on in most gay bedrooms, but somehow in our preacher's dark, buried psyche, that's what he's thinking, or else it wouldn't get him all tied in knots and flinging spittle. Preventing lesbians from being with one another is a separate construct and a subset of a straight CQ's issues, but has more to do with the assumption that all women be required to be available to whatever straight man might want one or two.

As gay and lesbian people (or bi or transgendered) what we've always asked the rest of the world to allow us is the right to love whom we chose, and part of that choice involves the right to define those consenting adults we find attractive. It's a matter of taste. A personal matter. Personal taste is not the same thing as choice, however. Not the kind of "choice* the right wingers are always insisting that we *do* have. I think what one finds attractive is as hard wired as eye color. But this matter of personal taste is a matter which apparently drives control queens to join the clergy and run for Congress.

So if you can buy a share of stock in this theory, you'll realize that we can only feel pity for all those rabid, terrified souls out there who are desperate for us to come to our senses and get out of this phase we're in, those who insist we wake up and admit that we're really straight after all, just so they won't have to be so lonely. It's not our "evil ways" they want us to give up. After all...they do most of the same things we do and love it all. They just can't stand the thought of feeling more alone than they already do.

So have pity on them. They're just being big babies afraid of the dark.


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